Pretty much everyone has them. In fact, research shows that 90–97 % of people report having sexual fantasies. Fantasies are one of the most common sexual experiences across the general population.
Fantasies come in many shapes and themes. Some of the more frequently reported ones include:
- Intimacy, romance, or feeling deeply connected with a partner
- Multi-partner scenarios like threesomes or group sex
- Rough, dominant, or power exchange fantasies (BDSM, role play, control/consent dynamics)
- Novel settings or adventurous contexts (e.g. sex in unusual places)
- Taboo or “edge” fantasies (though many are kept just in the mind)
It’s also worth noting that fantasies don’t always indicate what someone wants to do in real life – often they remain in the mental or emotional realm.
So, if you ever feel like your fantasy is “weird” or unusual, odds are someone else has thought of it too.
Why share (or not share) fantasies?
Talking about fantasies can deepen connection — but it also requires trust, care, and good communication.
Benefits of sharing
- Intimacy and vulnerability
Opening up about what you fantasize about can help your partner see a side of you that you may never have expressed otherwise. - Stronger sexual and relationship satisfaction
When partners communicate more about their sexual desires and preferences, research shows links with better sexual function, desire, arousal, and overall relationship satisfaction.
For example, couples who engage in dyadic fantasizing – imagining sexual scenarios involving each other – tend to report more desire and more relationship-promoting behaviors. - Validation and relief
Many people are surprised to learn their partner fantasizes, too. Studies show that among people who disclosed fantasies, over 80 % described the experience as positive.
In one survey of 287 participants, about 69 % had disclosed a fantasy at some point.
Reasons people hesitate
- Fear of judgment or rejection
- Worry that the fantasy is too “out there”
- Concern it signals dissatisfaction with the partner
- Uncertainty about how to bring it up
- Belief that fantasies are private and shouldn’t be shared
Tips for Sharing Sexual Fantasies
- Start with appreciation
Begin the conversation by expressing what you already enjoy with your partner. Gratitude helps set a safe tone. - Use “I” statements
Instead of saying, “You never…” or “You should…,” try “I’ve been thinking about something that turns me on,” or “I’m curious if you’ve ever imagined this too.” - Test the waters
You don’t need to dive into every detail right away. You could mention a dream, an idea from a movie, or something you read. - Make it mutual
Ask your partner about their fantasies too, and listen with openness. This helps create a space of equality and safety. - Respect boundaries
Not every fantasy needs to be acted out. Some are just fun to imagine. Focus on consent, comfort, and emotional connection. - Follow up later
After sharing, check in about how the conversation felt for both of you. Reassure each other that curiosity is welcome and judgment isn’t part of the process.
The Power of Sharing
Fantasies are a healthy and natural part of sexuality. They allow us to explore, understand, and express different parts of ourselves. When shared thoughtfully, they can strengthen communication and bring partners closer.
Want to explore this further?
At Cair Sex Therapy Vancouver, I support individuals and couples in building comfort and confidence in their sexual communication. Together, we can explore your desires, fantasies, and intimacy in a way that feels safe, respectful, and empowering.
